The Library of Babel

The Portal
Make WWW Great Again
Mount Paozu
DOS/Win9x Game Shrines
Town of ZZT
The Quarry
Library of Babel
Red Forest
Haunted House
Macula's Maze
Reptile House
Wildcat Den
The Scratching Post
The PortalUFOPer-BastMake WWW Great AgainMount PaozuDOS/Win9x Game ShrinesTown of ZZTThe ObservatoryThe QuarryLibrary of BabelRed ForestHaunted HouseMacula's MazeReptile HouseKoshkaIRCWildcat DenThe Scratching PostThe Dock

Dream Diary

Welcome to the Somnium, the place I'll be storing accounts of interesting dreams/nightmares that I've had over the years. I was rather hesitant to put this here due to how inherently narcissistic and all around boring the concept usually is, but since I've been told quite a few times that I apparently have particularly creative dreams I decided that this may be of some interest to someone. Perhaps someone will get a story or ZZT game idea or such from some of this nonsense.

In the interests of keeping things at least somewhat organised, I will be segregating these logs by update, with the more recent ones closer to the top of the page and the older ones at the bottom. I tend to write any interesting dreams I have down in all sorts of places so I'll keep updating as I either find or remember any of note.

Without further ado, here goes...

When (Radically Different) Shows Collide

Took a nap after watching a weekly session of watching one episode each of a bunch of 90s shows (and one 2000s cartoon). Notably Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Ed, Edd, n Eddy. I found myself in a series of filthy underground tunnels that were filled with an oppressive and dangerous atmosphere, and a sense that horrific death was something that could strike at any moment. I knew that some sort of apocalyptic event that had to do with vampires had transpired, and that any human survivors were holed up in these tunnels.

I cautiously navigated the tunnels for a while, all the while observing dried blood splatters, until I turned the corner into a fairly large room that appeared to have a hole in the ceiling that allowed for a large amount of snow to drift down from the surface. The foreboding atmosphere was instantly lifted after I noticed the three titular protagonists of Ed, Edd, n Eddy merrily shoveling the snow around while Eddy ranted excitedly about how this was the perfect opportunity to create a "snow park" to scam people out of quarters for a day's worth of fun.

Futuristic 90s Computer Cult

I had been granted membership in a top secret computing-centric club stationed in a futuristic compound that almost felt like some sort of neon UFO interior or perhaps an extravagant laboratory from a century in the future. I ran into John Carmack, who gifted me a set of floppy discs to commemorate my joining, and an unknown person who gifted me a neon hoverchair. Also inexplicably briefly ran into and spoke with Haruhi Suzumiya before she got distracted and ran off.

After some exploring, I witnessed a creepy hooded monk resembling an enemy type from Heretic or Hexen floating down the hallway past me. I asked a nearby person who the monk was, and was informed that the club is ruled over by a group of magical monks and that everyone in the cult had monthly obligations to them, which could be found in our quarters. I tracked down my quarters and realised the entire place was some sort of death cult that required human sacrifices among other demands.

Cute Childhood Nightmare

For context, I was probably 9 or 10 years old when this one happened and also sick with a bad flu. The dream started with me lying in bed and wanting to go to the bathroom. I got up to walk over to my bunny slippers on the other side of the room when they suddenly began increasing in size and each sprouting a mouth with fangs. They chased after me and I woke up instantly.

Mother Nature Tries PCP

My family and I were in the house sheltering from a massive storm. I could see out of the windows that there were massive dark clouds in the sky and heard the television declare a tornado warning. At the end of the dream I walked up to one of the windows for a better view and suddenly had an out-of-body experience where I could see our house from far above. I could see that the dark storm clouds were now somehow covering both the sky and the ground and that there was a slew of tornadoes that were all swirling in place and connected to both the sky and ground clouds.

Marching Towards Death

Had some variation of this one a whole bunch of times as a child. It always involved me walking home on the street I lived on and seeing the surroundings becoming increasingly more warped and sinister the closer I got. All the homes usually had tombstones with either numbers of barcodes on them, and there would be zombies or ghouls staring at me from some of the windows. Most trees were replaced with sets of large plant tentacles that were reaching out and trying to grab me, and the ground was marked with increasingly large and dangerous cracks. Each time I had a feeling that death was waiting for me at my house, which I never reached, but I seemed unable to stop moving towards it.

A Very Good Doctor

I had developed some sort of medical condition that involved five strange cancerous lumps growing on my arm, which eventually began morphing into what appeared to be alien-like fingers. I decided to see a doctor, and was told by him that there was a demon growing inside of me. I asked him what could be done to cure this, and he told me to wake up, which I immediately did. If you've played Santa's Advocate, yes this is where the idea for that one subplot came from.

Christmas in the Hood

I had been kicked out of the house by my parents on Christmas Eve and was wandering outside in a blizzard. I soon ran into a rapper who told me that he was going off to sell drugs, to which I asked if he could teach me the basics because I needed a quick source of income. He agreed and led me to a festive-looking train that seemingly had no other passengers but the two of us and we rode until we arrived at some snowy mountains.

After departing the train, I noticed a man who was zooming around randomly at blinding speeds and was told by my mentor that the man had gained super speed from how potent the meth he sells is. I then noticed a group of stereotypical-looking methheads who were standing around mumbling gibberish. The rapper proceeded to put on a Santa Claus costume and started selling baggies of crack inside Christmas cards, telling me that this was his disguise in case the police showed up. Eventually the crowd dispersed and I left to try to see if I could still find my way back home.

If It Works...

The dream began with my uncle falling down and somehow hitting his arm so hard that it physically came off. After that I was taking a walk and ran into one of my mother's friends and noticed she had also recently lost an arm. She warned me that it was the result of a curse, and would soon happen to me and everyone else that I know.

My aunt was the next victim of the curse, losing her arm due to frostbite. She then proceeded to undergo a bizarre medical treatment where she permanently moved into a vat and had the arm attached to her face. I visited her and saw the palm of her mouth-arm now had a mouth full of needle-shaped teeth. Her new voice also sounded deep and masculine, but her behaviour seemed completely normal aside from these changes.

A Hellish Obsession

I was watching a movie apparently based on an unknown new Stephen King book. In it, an archaeologist working alone in a ruin had found a set of writings carved into stone in some ancient language, but was having trouble deciphering their meaning because of all the dust, grime, and natural wear-and-tear. He worked on the project for a long time but it seemed that the closer he got to being able to restore the writings into an decipherable state, the more difficult the remainder of his work became, and the more obsessive he became.

Around the end of the dream it was revealed that the writings and the dirt on them had been enchanted by the wizard who carved them, in order to purposefully force anyone attempting to decipher them into becoming hopelessly obsessed and addicted. The writings were also connected to the wizard, who was now in Hell, and allowed him to take control of the obsessed victim's mind once the process was complete.

A Brief Tour of Hell

I had apparently been taken to Hell by some benevolent entity that wished to show me around, presumably as a warning. The entity resembled a glowing male silhouette and I was never able to see any specific details beyond this. It began with us walking through a vast black void, stepping on stone platforms floating in it to avoid falling into the void. The platforms led to a floating and twisting hallway composed of walls, a ceiling, and a floor, all constructed of dark bricks.

We walked through the hallway until we reached a door that opened up into more empty void. At this point, I became curious as to what would happen if I stepped away from my guide, who had warned me to stay close to him, and decided to walk back a small distance. I turned a corner and heard footsteps coming from ahead. Before long some walking humanoid shadows appeared against the wall despite the lack of any light source and the lack of a body that should cause the shadows to be cast.

The shadow figures began to walk past me and I presumed they were simply ghosts or invisible humans. I decided to see if I could interact with one of them by stepping into the spot where the owners of one of the shadows was supposed to be and was suddenly overcome with terror and heard a cacophony of voices chanting in an unknown language. I recoiled but saw that the shadows kept on walking as if nothing had transpired, and decided to run back to the entity that was guiding me.

The entity led me into the void and we suddenly appeared behind the wall of anthat I was able to look into through a small crack in the wall. This room was old and weathered, with distinctly Soviet aesthetics. Multiple people were inside and were either sitting at a table or pacing back and forth, and I noticed that the room contained actual lamps unlike all of the other dark locations I had been shown thus far. My guide began explaining to me that some people in the past had managed to find a way into Hell without needing to die first, and that they were currently safe from the horrors of this world due to still being alive. He explained to me that this was a group of communists that had "mysteriously" vanished a long time ago, and that they had prolonged their livesby replacing their hearts with some sort of fireball-esque artefact.

Drinking Bender Logic

I arrived to an evening after-work college course I had registered for for some reason, the professor was not yet present but a number of students were. I picked a seat and soon after, a teenage girl sat down next to me and started bullying me for no apparent reason. I responded by briefly bantering back and then physically ignoring her remarks. She suddenly started softening up and acting more like a tsundere before starting to flirt with me. The professor never showed up and I noticed some of the other students leaving out of frustration as the two of us flirted.

Next thing I knew, I woke up on my desk after having apparently nodded off. The lights were off and the classroom was empty aside from the two of us. I heard the professor's voice in the hallway telling his friend how embarrassed he was for missing the first day of the class he was supposed to be teaching. He summarily walked in and turned the lights on, upon which I realised the girl had also nodded off and the two of us had been holding hands the entire time. Fretting over the age difference, I awkwardly lumbered out of the classroom and left to go to my car.

After aimlessly driving for a while through some back roads surrounded by a forest, I became increasingly paranoid over going to prison for attempting to initiate a relationship with a potentially underage person and pulled over next to a bridge surrounding a lake. I stared down and decided that the dark, almost brown colouration of the water reminded me of a medicine I had once taken, and that this was a sign that I needed to flee into the wilderness and start a new life wherever I wound up emerging. I then jumped off the bridge into the lake and began trying to swim to shore.

Macula Comic Chat, and The Nightmare After Tomorrow

Two recent dreams that were short enough that I'll just squeeze them into the same entry. The first involved me playing Doom (E2M1) specifically with my friend and taking a break to chat in the dark green room near the exit while running around back and forth. At some point, Macula himself appeared despite being a static decoration in the game and joined us in rapidly zipping around the room without ever actually speaking a word.

The second dream involved breaking into what was apparently a school building right around closing time in order to set a substance we had smuggled in on fire and thus fill the entire building with a foul odour. Because dream logic makes even drunk logic look solid, we then decided to spend the night inside of the building that we were trespassing in and had just poisoned.

Morning came and we discovered that the building had not only morphed into a skyscraper, but that the entire planet had inexplicably been submerged underwater overnight. We climbed to the top of the skyscraper to get above water and then began slowly and carefully walking on top of a metro line while looking down at the hopelessly submerged city. I could vaguely make out what appeared to be impossibly massive tentacles and fish-esque organisms swimming in the sea and realised that falling into the water meant almost certain death. Truly, rooftop gardens have never sounded like a better idea.

A Macula's Maze Location is Born

I was browsing the Web when I somehow managed to physically enter a "website" that was its own actual realm. The location resembled an infinite stone path with ancient-Greek-esque columns on both side of it. There were detours, also marked by stone paths and columns, which appeared to be portals to tiny dimensions that resembled places in the regular human world, such a store, but that were warped in ways ranging from people spouting incoherent word salad to laws of physics not behaving as they should to things being constructed in highly illogical ways.

Although I wandered into several pocket dimensions out of curiousity before waking up, what stuck with me the most was a strange sign that I saw in the main walkway of the realm I was in. Despite the entire world being a seemingly endless expanse of desert and stone, there was a sign indicating a nearby location named "Eternity Lake". As I was looking at the sign, a pedestrian walked by me and noted that Eternity Lake was located at the "end" (?!) of this infinitely large world.

Doomsday Clock Strikes Midnight

I was at the tournament that takes place in Dragon Ball Multiverse, which for whatever reason was taking place in my house at night. After walking around some and greeting some people, I spotted the mysterious main villain of the story, XXI, sitting on a chair in my laundry room. I attempted to engage him in conversation to learn more about his nature, only to be interrupted by XXI telling me that at the stroke of midnight, all of us aside from him would die.

Alarmed, I attempted to warn the other warriors of this threat, but everyone appeared to be in a trance, serenely doing whatever they were doing and not appearing to notice me or even XXI himself. I went to my room and laid in bed holding a clock waiting for it to strike midnight to see what exactly would happen. As soon as the clock struck midnight, XXI's disembodied clawed hand erupted out of my chest and I woke up.

Winter Storm With a Mix of Pinky Demons and Imps

I found myself in the world of Doom, where i was a space marine that had been deployed to "Phobos" in order to put down a demon invasion on a scientific outpost that had been established there. The outpost in question was also due to struck by an apocalyptic winter storm, one that was apparently dangerous enough to rupture the top half of the building and render it uninhabitable until repairs were made. The plan was apparently to descend into the nuclear plant in the basement and seal it off from the top, but the residents had been forced to barricade said basement off due to a portal to Hell opening and unleashing a slew of invaders.

The outpost in question was extremely comfy in spite of the looming cataclysm. Very dimly lit and quiet aside from the howling winds outside. I loaded up with a combat shotgun and a handgun from the armoury and then descended into the basement, whose first room resembled a realistic and very dark version of the first room in E1M2 in Doom, except with a fenced off barricade with security guards at the start. Sadly woke up before things could progress further.

Amusingly enough, the dream briefly veered into another nightmare about realising that I was entering my final week in two high-level college courses that I had completely forgotten to attend or do any work in, because I thankfully rationalised that I had bigger priorities at the moment.

Reptilians and Zombie Presidents

My father and I had gone fishing at a lake next to a forest. After walking through the forest and arriving at the lake, we saw a surreal futuristic city on the other side of the vast lake, with several orange flying saucers and a hulking War of the Worlds-esque ground machine stomping around. Panicked, we immediately left and ran back to where our car was, before noticing that a new wooden sign had appeared since we were last there. The sign's message appeared to have been written entirely in blood and gave the impression that it was meant to warn people about something, although it was entirely illegible.

Suddenly a reptilian humanoid accosted us. It looked to be about 6 feet tall with very dark, scaly skin, and had a bizarrely long tongue, hanging out of its mouth and ending where its chest was. My father and I leapt in the car and tried to get away, only for the reptilian to jump in front of the car and somehow flip it over using its tongue.

I suddenly had a frightening revelation that something has happened and now everyone on Earth but us had become like this creature. After getting out of the flipped car, my father pulled out a shotgun and shot the reptilian, only for the shells to bounce off of its skin. The reptilian then grabbed the shotgun from my father and slammed him in the head with it, before discarding the weapon. After reaching for the weapon myself, I pressed it directly to the reptilian's eyes and somehow managed to blow its head off, apparently killing it.

The next thing I knew, I was suddenly back in my house. I saw that the television was on and listened to it for context, only to hear a reporter talking about how Abraham Lincoln recently rose from the dead in order to publish some books.

Aberra's Neighbours

I was on vacation at some beach area, when I discovered there were two mysterious doors in the hotel room that I was staying. Upon investigation, I learned they were both portals to parallel dimensions. One contained a vast outdoorsy area that I scarcely remember, while the other was nothing but a cramped Soviet Union-esque laboratory. After poking around in the laboratory, I suddenly noticed a 30-year-old-ish man with a large, old timey mustache sitting in the corner and smiling at me mischievously. Woke up before I could interact with him.

The Soapocalypse

Late high school era dream. I picked up and started playing an ostensibly Christmas-themed game that was apparently operating using virtual reality technology, as I started seeing the dream through the perspective of the main character as soon as the game began. The character's name was Fred, and his goal at the start of the game was to get his Christmas shopping done at the mall. Soon after entering the mall, everyone around Fred/me suddenly went into a frenzy and began swarming me like flies.

I ran out of the mall and jumped into my car hoping to drive away, when multiple members of the mob suddenly leaped on the car and somehow caused it to explode. Next thing I knew, I awoke outside and saw that the entire surrounding area had somehow been reduced to an apocalyptic ruin. Presumably, either Fred slept through the end times, or his car had a nuclear warhead for an engine.

Not knowing what else to do, I began walking home to see what the situation was like there, but was accosted by several large purple entities that resembled tall blobs with many stubby appendages on both sides of their body, like a long series of arms that never quite developed into anything. Luckily, I had a handgun on me and was able to put them all down and continue walking home.

Fred's house turned out to look exactly like my real house from the outside, except partially destroyed. I saw another person standing next to the house and remembered that this was one of Fred's friends. We entered the house, I guess to look around for supplies and assess the damage, and were attacked in the laundry room by another purple blob monster. I noticed that this house diverged from mine at this point, with a seemingly endless series of rooms attached to the laundry room that did not exist in my own home.

After walking through a long series of seemingly unfinished and completely bare rooms, I found a fairly fancy bathroom. I began examining the surprisingly vast collection of different soaps that it contained, when suddenly half a dozen additional purple blobs emerged to attack me. After putting the intruders down, my friend remarked that the purple monsters were somehow connected to and possibly directly attracted to soap and that we had to get rid of all of the soap in the house to keep them away. He told me to go further into the house while he would retrace our path and get rid of all the soap that he could find.

I walked further into the impossibly long house but found nothing of note beyond a door leading outside into a backyard, and another door leading yet further into the house. I walked into the yard to survey the situation before going back inside, when the ground started shaking fiercely enough for me to nearly keel over. I screamed "holy Jesus fucking God!" in shock and suddenly heard a booming voice somewhere in the sky respond with "I'm intrigued by the idea of a holy Jesus fucking God!" I looked around for the source and found only a hill with a thick grove of trees that I could not see through.

Upon running to the top of the hill to get a better view, I was greeted by the sight of a monolithic crab as long as a school building and taller than a three-story building. The crab noticed me and somehow emitted a large roaring noise before stampeding towards me. I stood watching in terror, frantically trying to determine what I could even do in response to this unexpected situation, when an apparent massive sinkhole suddenly opened beneath the crab and caused it to fall to its death.

I ran over to look at the hole, only to be greeted by the surreal sight of an uninhabited tropical island that was so far below me so as to make me feel as if I had to be located somewhere in the clouds by comparison. Before I could ponder basic questions, such as where it was deriving sunlight from, the ground suddenly began caving in even further, causing me to collapse and plummet towards the island. Fortunately, my crippling fear of heights woke me up before I could hit the ground and die.

16 April 2022

Godzilla Versus... Who?

One of my all-time favourite childhood dreams. I was on vacation, staying in a creepy and rundown hotel where I was trying to find my room. The room turned out to be a single large bedroom with two full-sized beds pushed up next to each other. The backs of the beds were up against a wall, and there was a colossal spider on the wall with its frontmost legs propped up on the beds.

As soon as I walked into the room, the spider shot a string of web at me, Spiderman style, and started pulling me towards it. I managed to break free and run away just before the spider was able to get me, but I wound up struggling to escape the hotel, which seemed to be actively morphing. After dodging more giant spiders, I ran out of the hotel and found myself in what appeared to be a city-sized industrial area right next to a beach. I looked around and saw that a Godzilla-esque monster had emerged out of the sea and begun attacking the city.

Before I could think of how to best handle this new predicament, a plane appeared in the sky that I somehow instantly knew had been hijacked by Osama Bin Laden. The unexpected saviour then proceeded to slam his plane into Godzilla, upon which I instantly woke up.

When Nature Cthulhu Calls

Apparently I really needed to go one night, as my brain decided to pull out all of the stops in preventing me from doing so on the bed. I was in an unknown building when I realised that I really needed to use the loo. I ran into the nearest bathroom only to find myself in a massive labyrinth designed after a typical public bathroom. The walls were all covered in the sort of green tiles one might find in a school bathroom, and the walls were lined with toilets and urinals, every single one of which was unusable for one reason or another.

Some of the toilets/urinals were being used by grotesque nude humanoids (a few of which had multiple penises, because of course they did), some were covered in blood and/or grime. There were also occasional bloodied sinks that had humanoids sitting in them. I spent the entire dream frantically wandering the maze attempting to find a salvageable toilet, to no avail.

I Can't Even Think of a Fitting Title

I was in a bathroom (a common dream destination for someone who habitually consumes far too much liquid) when I suddenly had a frightening premonition about something that was about to happen. I ran out of the bathroom into a long and dimly lit hallway that seemed to go as far as the eye could see in both directions, with another hallway intersecting it about ten feet away from me.

All of a sudden, a massive and utterly livid-looking man emerged from around the corner of the second hallway. He looked to be over seven feet tall, was freakishly brawny, and had a mane of crazy-looking frazzled curly hair. He turned towards me and stomped towards me while I stood frozen in terror, attempting to figure out what I had done to offend this terrifying stranger. Upon getting close enough to lay his hands on me, he suddenly stopped and broke into an insane looking grin. He then grabbed his hair and screamed out "I'M BALD!!!". I woke up quite confused.

04 April 2022

I Can Has Heat Death?

I was watching a speech by a physicist who was explaining that the reason cats have such a grim look about them, was because their vision was so incomprehensibly good that they are constantly forced to watch the universe die on a subatomic scale all around them. Really had to digest my morning tea before this one stopped making sense.

27 March 2022

A Hell of a Way to Begin a Story

I was playing a brand new RPG game set in a medieval setting and watching the opening cinematics. The (unnamed) main character was apparently an orphan who had been living with his uncle, until said uncle vanished under mysterious circumstances. The cinematics began with the protagonist encountering someone in a crowded outdoor marketplace, who began feverishly whispering to them about the existence of a cursed, distant kingdom that the authorities had, for some reason or another, banned anyone from even acknowledging the existence of.

After explaining the existence of this damned kingdom, the marketplace stranger then pointed with his finger to a faraway castle that appeared to be utterly surrounded in a deep, eerie black fog that was actively swirling around it. The protagonist turned to look at the castle, and suddenly felt the distinct touch of his lost uncle on his shoulder. He turned and, upon seeing no one there, realised that this was an omen and that he needed to find a way to the castle to learn more of his uncle's shrouded fate.

26 February 2022

Riding With Satan

Childhood dream. I had graduated from high school and apparently decided to go to college. This college turned out to be located inside of a massive and creepy-looking castle. I also apparently did not take any time to figure out how I was going to get to it until my first day came along (the most realistic part of the dream).

While I was walking around outside, an 8-year-old girl inexplicably pulled over and offered to drive me there. I don't remember how but along the way I accidentally said something that deeply offend her, as she turned and glared at me lividly, which somehow also caused creepy music started playing inside of the dream. I become terrified and somehow sensed that this little girl was actually the Devil, which I think was also the moment I first noticed the absurdity in a small child being able to drive a car.

Next thing I knew I was walking around the college castle trying to find my class, when a group of people wearing hooded dark robes and carrying scythes appeared in the crowd and started walking straight for me. I ran away but the hooded people seemed to keep teleporting anywhere I went. I also noticed that the crowds had completely vanished and that the building had rapidly gotten dark. Eventually, the dream turned into me just running fruitlessly from the demon girl around the castle, who was invisible but whose presence I could feel no matter where I ran to.

A Comfy Secret Society

I was aimlessly driving around backroads with my father, when we came across a street that was bordered on one side by a long building next to a thick forest. My father told me that this was something called the "Hunter's Entrance"; the headquarters of a secret society of hunters, which he had been told about by a rural-dwelling friend of his.

We walked into the building and discovered it was a surprisingly vast dwelling that served as a place for hunters to stay and rest before or after expeditions to the forest. The other side of the building featured a long series of porches with beds to allow for people to sleep outside, and there was a basement floor that seemed to be a mix of a crazy prepper's gun closet and bedrooms that resembled something in a comfy wooden cabin in the forest.

25 December 2021

The Halloween Nightmare Before Christmas

Was tapering off alcohol and had a bad nightmare as a result. Apparently a new, particularly frightening Halloween movie had come out. Michael Myers was revealed to be a direct agent of the Devil, and was now receiving active assistance from evil spirits in his acts. His goal now was apparently hunting a small group of children who were under police protection due to someone receiving word of his intentions. He had a new appearance that resembled a cross between his completely battered, almost zombie-like appearance at the end of Halloween Kills, and the "rotting corpse" aesthetic that Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th had.

In one scene that I remember, a little girl was lured away from the police by a voice that appeared to be her mother calling her away. Once she was sufficiently isolated, the voice suddenly morphed, becoming cruel and screaming mocking, blasphemous remarks at her. She realised she had been fooled and turned to run away, only to see Michael Myers standing in the doorway that she had just gone through. Her mother then went looking for her and found her sitting unresponsive in a chair. Thinking she had fallen asleep, the mother shook her, only for the child's head to suddenly come off and fall to the ground as if she were a broken doll.

The only other scene that I clearly remember involved a police officer getting ready to shoot Michael in the head, only for one of the entities helping The Shape to suddenly cause the entire stairway the officer was standing on to collapse under him.

23 December 2021

A Silly Vacation, and Equally Silly Movie

I was on vacation in New Zealand and a friend of mine who lives there was working as my tour guide. I kept playing up the "stupid American" stereotype by jokingly pestering him with head-bangingly stupid questions and remarks such as "you were sick? They have diseases in New Zealand too?!" and "wow, I didn't know they had cars in other countries!!" for no apparent reason.

After returning to my hotel, I saw a clip on the news about a new Stephen King movie centered around a kindly old lady who became sick and was discovered to have developed an extradimensional portal inside of her body. The movie apparently culminated with whatever was on the other side of the portal coming into our world and morphing the old lady into an evil grey dog of titanic proportions.

07 November 2021

Be Careful What You Steal

I was some sort of rogue special agent tasked with breaking into the United States Treasury and stealing all of their money. I had apparently befriended an important woman who worked there and earned her trust, before persuading her to allow me to attend a social event taking place inside the building.

The dream started with me entering the building and then sneaking away from all of the people at the social event to roam the Treasury building. I soon discovered that there was a hidden basement underneath the main building, which contained a vast labyrinth. After getting to the end of the labyrinth, I found a massive vault door about four stories high. I used the Dragonball-tier strength and kung fu skills that I inexplicably have in most dreams, in order to run up the wall and slowly break the vault door open by ripping out the "pegs" keeping it shut. Upon removing the door, I found myself confronted by a monolithic fire-breathing pig that was lurking behind it.

I managed to take the fire pig down by using the busted up door as a shield and hurling debris at the pig's face. Upon finally knocking the hog unconscious, I entered the vault looking for gold or cash, only to find a single small golden key. I returned to the labyrinth and wandered around the Treasury building but was unable to find a door that the key unlocked.

In a final display of staggering stupidity, I decided to visit the aforementioned Treasury woman's house and tell her that I accidentally found a key in the building somewhere and was wondering if she knew what it was for. The woman instantly recognised the key and explained to me that the United States' money supply is controlled by some unknowable extradimensional entity that will only communicate via a special phone, and only with the person who last held the key that I found.

She told me that no one wanted anything to do with this creature anymore, hence why the key was locked away so securely, but told me that she was glad that someone finally managed to break in and obtain it. She then handed me the special phone and told me that the entity had already left two voicemails since I found the key.

Obligatory disclaimer because it's 2021: This is nothing more than a silly dream I had, and I do not actually have any serious plans to break into any government buildings, nor to perpetrate animal abuse against the U.S. government's noble Giant Fire Pig.

22 August 2021

On the Lam

For whatever reason, I found myself on the run from the police in a large forest, armed with an AR-15. I was initially being pursued by a helicopter but I managed to deter it after firing shots into the cockpit and nearly hitting the pilot. I spent a while just walking and climbing through the forest, eating berries to survive, before finding what appeared to be a tiny "village" consisting of five cabins that was almost entirely abandoned save for one lone woman who I briefly talked to out of curiousity and befriended. I mentioned that I was on the run from the law but she seemed entirely apathetic about it even in spite of me being unable to recall what it was that I did.

After wandering through the forest some more, I entered what appeared to be a fishing town, where I was accosted by a man trying to sell his speedboat. I of course immediately excitedly purchased it from him and swiftly took off into the ocean as fast as I could, intending to either flee to another country or live on the sea and subsist off of fish.

Not the most creative of dreams but it was certainly the most fun one that I've had in ages. (:

21 May 2021

Keeper of the Mafia's Secrets

I was watching a Vietnamese man who had apparently decided to overthrow the mafia out of sheer boredom. Not knowing how to accomplish this, he decided to start questioning random pre-teen girls about what he should do. He eventually stumbled upon two girls who informed that the secrets to where all mafia bosses live are kept by a voodoo priest who spends his days dressing up as a circus clown and living in a hut on a nearby beach.

The would-be mafia destroyer arrived on the beach and was immediately ambushed by the voodoo clown, but managed to defeat him after a bloody fist-fight. The beaten voodoo clown then proceeded to tell him that defeating him in combat was only half of the "deal," and that he would also need to bribe him to learn the mafia's secrets.

12 May 2021

The Macabre Demon School

The dream occurred in what appeared to be a haunted, abandoned school that was initially masquerading as a typical populated school. I met my former Calculus professor, who convinced me that I was in his class, so I decided to follow him.

Class seemed normal until the professor started going into an increasingly unhinged fit of rage over someone giggling at something, at first threatening to fail the entire class because of it, and eventually attempting to murder everybody with a sword. After seeing the professor get impaled with his own sword by one of the students, only to laugh it off, I decided to just flee the room. This caused the school to finally break the illusion and change itself into the long-abandoned, dark, and empty dark grey stone building it apparently really was.

I attempted to escape the building but the only entrance/exit I knew of had locked itself and I was (predictably!) unable to break down the door. Deciding to wander around and look for a second exit, I started seeing eerie visions involving a little girl. The only one that I could remember well enough to write down was a room where a phantom version of the little girl was attacked by some hulking shadow and hurled her out of the "window" (actually just a large hole the wall that looked like it was created by an RPG blast but it was too high to jump out of) as she screamed "MOMMY!!" in a loud and desperate voice.

After some more wandering I ran into a little girl who was allegedly the living/real version of the girl in the aforementioned hallucinations. She told me she had been trying to escape the school for a while, and that the visions were real scenes of some demon abusing and trying to kill her during her time in the school. I promised her that I would try to find a way out for the two of us.

Later we ran into the aforementioned professor again. I questioned him upon noticing that he was now acting perfectly sane and calm again and he told me that the "professor" I had run into was probably another hallucination. I asked him what he was doing here and he responded that the demons and spirits didn't bother him for whatever reason so he just decided that the school was an alright place to live.

Lycanthropy Causes Time Travel

I had become a werewolf who transforms every night regardless of whether there was a full Moon or if I even looked at the Moon. Every night/evening I would get locked up in an asylum room to prevent me from running wild and killing everything in my path. I would also apparently become euphoric, energetic, and hungry after being a wolf for a night.

One night my uncle (who halfway through the visit apparently became a psychiatrist for the purposes of the dream) visited to talk to me. I told him I had to leave for the night and would explain why the next day, but wound up being sidetracked due to my mum making some chicken, which had become overpoweringly enticing in my pre-werewolf state, and led me to transform into a werewolf in the house.

After briefly running wild I blacked out and woke up in a surreal looking flat stone landscape that was apparently the distant future. Son Pan from Dragon Ball GT saw me and ran up to me, apparently being a friend of mine in this distant time. I got curious about this new world and decided to explore a bit but wound up unfortunately waking up before I could see much more.

Never Trust a Vacuum Salesperson

I was going outside at night to take the trash out to the curb when a pickup truck pulled up next to me and stopped. I began freaking out that this was a kidnapping attempt in progress, when Edward Snowden suddenly emerged out of the driver's seat and revealed that he was going door to door trying to sell a special vacuum cleaner. He explained to me that this vacuum cleaner was longer than a house, and could be used to vacuum one's roof without having to climb on top of it.

I attempted to politely shoo Snowden away but he persisted in following me towards my house and asking whether I might reconsider by the next presidential election, or the one after that, etc. Eventually he gave up and began dejectedly walking away at a deliberately slow speed. Seeing that he was still right next to my porch, I walked back out to him to order him to vacate my property, at which point he revealed that he was a vampire and that the real reason for his spiel was an attempt to make me drop my guard so he could attack me.

A Sordid New Reason to Avoid Family Gatherings

I found out that an elderly female relative of mine that I didn't know existed had passed away. My parents decided to force me to attend her funeral reception due to my aunt insisting that it would be healthy for me to form friendships with her seven children. Soon after arriving at the funeral service, we were forced to flee upon finding out that the aforementioned relative died because she had formed a cannibal cult with her children, who overthrew her and baked a "funeral cake" from her corpse.

Next thing I knew, my parents and I had returned home. Both of my folks were in their respective rooms and I was walking into the living room when I saw what appeared to be a man's shadow appear behind the living room blinds. I screamed to my mum to get out of the house when the shadow revealed itself to be my father standing on a ladder because he had locked himself out of the house again and needed to get our attention so we would unlock the door for him.

I let my father inside the house and then remembered that I had seen somebody sitting in his room not long before he appeared outside. Suddenly a new, hulking shadow appeared behind the window where my father had previously stood, and a headless man emerged from my father's room. I woke up before the plot could thicken any further.

14 February 2021

The Staircases of Babel

Apparently I was living on Earth in the Dragon Ball Super world. Zeno had announced that he wanted to see a second Tournament of Power and so Goku had gathered the same group of fighters that fought for Universe 7 in the previous competition along with myself in order to prepare. Immediately afterward, the eleven of us were sucked into a wormhole into what appeared to be a strange dimension outside of time and space.

The dimension consisted of an infinitely tall circular central room whose walls were lined all the way to the top with an endless series of staircases leading straight into the wall. Piccolo remarked that he had heard of this place before, and that all of the staircases were portals to different timelines, both ones that existed and ones that could theoretically exist and that would pop into existence if anyone were to walk on them.

Piccolo elaborated further that legend said that the very top of the infinitely tall room they were in, contained a place of vast knowledge. Remembering that Goku had the ability to teleport, I asked him if he could use that to teleport us to the top so that we could perhaps make use of someone or something there in order to find a way back to our own universe quicker. We teleported to the top of the building, only to awkwardly find ourselves in what appeared to be a classroom full of special needs children. Given the importance of the location, and who the highest-ranking god in the Dragon Ball world is, I assume in retrospect that this was a sort of "Zeno factory."

Goku and I teleported back to the rest of the gang, only to find ourselves confronted with alternate timeline versions of Tullece (Turles), Coola, and Cell, apparently invited into the realm by someone accidentally triggering the staircases connected to their timelines. Lamentably, I woke up after that and didn't get witness any interesting interactions.

16 January 2021

The Transdimensional Nightmare Town

I was watching as a passive observer, a woman named Eliza who had moved with her cat and boyfriend into a town that one of her childhood friends, Anise, had lived in before she mysteriously disappeared one day. The trio start steadily realising that something is very wrong with the entire town. The cat takes a walk in the forest and discovers that parts of it appear to be leaking into a supernatural world that only cats are able to enter, leave, or see. She attempts to warn her humans but fails due to the communication barrier.

Eliza visits the supermarket and is nearly assaulted by a worker that responds to a question by screaming at her in tongues in a demonic tone before being joined by other possessed people that chase the woman out of the store. She drives home down a forested highway before noticing a long row of supermarket freezers standing by the side of the road. She remembers Anise telling her that the unexplained appearance and disappearance of freezers on that road was a town legend and stops her car to investigate. The freezers appear to be fully operational right down to the lights being on, in spite of not being connected to any power source.

All of a sudden, Eliza notices that there's no longer any cars going down the road, or even any sounds of distant vehicles. She takes a bag of "salmon" out of the freezer and shivers, noting that even through the bag, there is something wrong with the texture. She suddenly remembers hearing about the epidemic of people going missing in and around the town and, making the connection, frantically gets back in her car and drives off.

Upon arriving home and telling her boyfriend about what happened, the house is suddenly beseiged by a crowd of angry possessed people. The couple do their best to fight off the home invaders before their cat suddenly forces the attackers to flee in terror with a telepathic attack (probably a gift from the forest dimension.)

Eliza is suddenly telepathically contacted by the now-deceased Anise, who reveals that the entire town - everyone and everything in it - is possessed by an extremely powerful demon. She explains that she chose to stay around as a spirit after dying in the interests of vanquishing the demon that murdered her and freeing the town from its occupation.

A Shortcut to Obtaining Ultra Instinct

I was being forced to retake middle school (at night, apparently) and was riding on a school bus when it suddenly crashed into a car that had veered into the incoming lane. A person on the bus starts warning us that the persond riding the car was a Chinese spy who caused the crash in order to silence him because he knew valuable Chinese secrets. A nearby business suddenly opens its door and a group of Chinese assassins exit and start approaching the bus. Thinking of a way to get out of the situation alive, I pulled a flask full of gin out of my pocket and chugged it, before fighting the assassins off with my Drunken Master powers.

Dark Workplace Secrets

I had obtained access to an HR database at my workplace and decided to look at my file out of curiousity to see if it said anything interesting that I should know about. The only potentially interesting thing that I could find was a cryptic field that apparently denoted with a number what "bathroom" an employee was assigned to. I saw that mine was "6" and became confused since our building only has two bathrooms.

Figuring it was code for something else, I decided to enquire with a long-time employee to see if they knew what it meant. Although he seemed to be unable to make heads or tails of it either, he said that it reminded him of another oddity that he discovered a long time ago - a secret elevator in the building that was hidden behind a fake wall.

He brought me to the elevator and I saw that it contained buttons for eight floors, far more than the building supposedly had. Curious to see if this could explain the other mystery, I pressed the button for the sixth floor to see what would happen and waited with anticipation as the elevator moved up, before opening up to what appeared to be a dark, dilapidated, and long abandoned hospital hallway.

I stepped out of the elevator and cautiously approached the closest room, finding three long tables combined in a "lowercase n" formation. There was a series of chairs and old looking computers with CRT monitors. Almost all of the computers appeared to be turned off and one even had a completely smashed and battered monitor, but I saw that one was not only turned on but actively doing something. I approached to look closer and saw that it showed a titanic Excel 97 spreadsheet full of nonsensical data, almost as if the entire file was corrupted. The spreadsheet was steadily changing as if it was being updated remotely.

Upon closer examination, there appeared to be occasional words and even short phrases among all of the nonsense. Getting curious, I did a search for my name and was able to find coherent sentences, some containing facts that no one else could possibly know about me. Before I could further contemplate the strangeness of the discovery, an emaciated ghoul appeared out of the darkness and grabbed me with blinding speed, ordering me to come with it.

I attempted to communicate with the creature and it told me that it was waiting for me to come up to the sixth floor. I asked why and it revealed that it needed my help, but that I first need to be "changed" for the task at hand, and motioned me towards a hospital gurney. Another ghoul walks over holding a tray of surgical instruments and I wake up due to fear.

An Assassination Gone Horribly Wrong

I was an assassin that was infiltrating a party held at a wealthy vampire's mansion in order to liquidate him. After seeing a good moment to do the deed, I pulled out a gun, only for the target to notice me and start transforming into what appeared to be a 7 foot tall mosquito with a humanoid head with massive upper fangs that reached below his chin. He appeared to be unable to fully close his mouth and was constantly emitting a noise that sounded like a cross between nocturnal insect sounds and human screaming.

I attempted to shoot him but was unable to hit him due to him spawning massive Fallout 3-esque bloatflies to protect him. He began slaughtering nearby people by using telekinesis to burst their veins open and then sucking the blood out of them, forming little airborne rivers of blood all over the room. I attempted to save a woman that the vampire had telekinetically lifted into the air by grabbing her, only for him to pull on her with such force that the top half of her body was ripped off and sent flying towards him.

The Joys of Alcohol Withdrawals

I was walking through the subway when I heard someone running up behind me. I turned around and saw what appeared to be a person in a suit and tie, only instead of a person, there was nothing but a bright shaft of light inside the outfit. The creature starts shaking me and screaming "HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING!"

I panicked and "woke up" in my bed to see a faceless creature in a dark hood standing five feet away from me. In contrast to the previous creature's appearance as a walking shaft of light, this one appeared to harbour literal pitch black darkness inside its clothing. It proclaimed "YES, HE'S COMING" in a loud, deep voice and I suddenly saw my fingers beginning to move on their own, elongating and becoming boneless. The now tentacle-like fingers began squirming towards my face as they grew, until I truly woke up due to panic.

Cyborg 17 Reveals His True Power

A new Dragon Ball Super episode had come out that began with someone splitting Universe 4's Shantsa down the middle, only for both halves to suddenly revive and pop back together. Quitela laughed at the development before ominously remarking that Shantsa was not the only warrior their universe had left that could do such a thing. Beerus retorted that Universe 4 only had one warrior remaining, before panicking at the realisation that they had two additional warriors that nobody could see.

Toppo suddenly turned wide-eyed as Universe 4's Damom burst out of the ground near him and kicked Cyborg 18 out of the ring. Goku teleported over to save her at the last moment, only for U4's final trump card, Gamisaras, to appear and attack Goku, disabling him and causing 18 to be ringed out.

The scene cuts to Cyborg 17 staring at Damom in what appears to be barely suppressed rage. He suddenly pulls a guitar out of nowhere and starts playing it, transforming the entire Tournament of Power arena into a colourful and psychedelic scene vaguely reminiscent of the scene where Ribrianne attacked everyone with pink hearts. Everyone just stands and watches the cyborg, trying to figure out what he's doing.

17 abruptly drops the stoic act and glares at Damom in utter rage, causing the bug man to explode and die. As everyone looks on in shock at 17's uncharacteristic outburst, the Grand Priest declares that the cyborg has been disqualified for both murder and for utilising a weapon. Zeno interjects and says that he'll allow it just because of how cool the attack was.

A Demonic Conspiracy

I was scouring the Internet for information on conspiracy theories when I found a strangely convincing rant from someone warning about demons masquerading as aliens in order to usher in the end times. The writer went on to say that a deceased friend of them had recently come back to life but was acting like an entirely different person, and that everyone they knew seemed to be in denial about the situation. They warned that demons were walking amongst us but that most people were fooled into thinking that they were regular humans

My mother came in and told me that my father had broken his leg and that we needed to drive to a city to obtain special pain medication for him. The longer we stayed in the city, the more ominous of a feeling I had. I saw a group of five people dressed in identical all-black outfits and I noticed that their skin was whiter than should be possible and that their eyes seemed to be huge, almost completely black, and bulging out of their eye sockets. I thought back to the rant about demons and wondered if this is what was happening. All five individuals suddenly smiled at me in unison as if acknowledging my thoughts.

I began panicking and noticed that the sky had become purple tinted. I grabbed my mother and activated some sort of Kaio-ken power in order to dash out of the city with her as quickly as possible. While zipping through the crowds of oblivious people, I ran into several more demons who attempted to attack me but were not quite quick enough to overcome my speed after I raised my Kaio-ken even higher. After my mother and I were far out of the city limits, I turned and saw a purple vortex hovering all around the city before ripping everything out of the ground, sucking it up, and ultimately vanishing.

I took my mother home and saw that all of my relatives had decided to pay my injured father a visit. I started rambling to everyone about what happened and how the person on the conspiracy website had warned us about what was happening but everyone either ignored me or talked over me. I finally snapped and screamed at them that they were all ignorant fools and deserved to die as a result.

Storming out of the room, I realised that I needed to go to the bathroom. Thinking about how foolish everyone besides myself was while standing over the toilet, I suddenly woke up and realised that I had drunkenly pissed myself a little bit. That was the morning I knew for sure that Bast has a sense of humour.

The GIFverse

I was exploring new options for privacy on the Internet, and discovered a NoScript-esque browser extension that somehow blocked the "Internet itself" from noticing me and allowed me to magically traverse the Web without leaving behind any evidence of doing anything, like some Internet ghost. I then discovered that this extension also gave me the ability to "hack" into animated gifs and videos and invade their "world" as an all-powerful ghost.

I could telekinetically assault people, generate loud noises to scare them, and so forth. I discovered, however, that my time in these worlds was always limited to the length of the gif or video; if the .gif was 5 seconds I could only wreak havoc in its world for 5 seconds before being ejected. I spent some time telekinetically lifting people up and hurling them around for lulz, causing random destruction, etc before becoming bored with the time limitation making me unable to cause any prolonged havoc. For whatever reason, I could not find any remotely long videos on the Web however.

Eventually I found a .gif that had what appeared to be a post-apocalyptic New York full of people wearing patriotic clothing and looking scared/despaired, trying to reassure each other. The only exception was one man who was proudly marching down the street without a care in the world, wearing a Statue of Liberty costume and a shirt with the logo for the video game DOOM on it. I was about to invade the .gif world in the interest of obtaining more context on the situation when I abruptly woke up.

An Unorthodox Fishing Trip

I was vacationing with my parents at the ocean when my father asked me to accompany him to the beach at night to catch some fish. Upon arriving, my father produced a sack full of fish meat and started walking along the way, tossing pieces of meat into the ocean as he went. As I pondered the purpose of this, I noticed in my peripheral vision, a burly, hideous looking man slowly and awkwardly shambling around. I freaked me out a bit because I could've sworn the beach was empty a few minutes earlier.

As my father walked back to our spot on the beach to put the sack of meat away, I observed the strange man, noting that he was walking as if he is either very injured or simply has no idea how to walk and is figuring it out as he goes. I studied his face and realised that the reason I found him so repulsive is because his face appears to very closely resemble that of a fish.

I turned back to our spot on the beach and notice that my father is no longer anywhere to be seen. I opened the sack of fish meat that he left behind and saw that it was full of nothing but fish heads.