Some Driver Behaviours I'm Sick of Encountering
People who visited this website in its infancy may remember the Library of Babel as a place of
unapologetic drunken tirades about the annoying and idiotic behaviours of other people. While I've "cleaned up my act" a tad since then in favour of using this "soapbox" as an opportunity to educate people on subjects dear to me, such as
Bast worship,
autism acceptance, and
bringing back the greatness of the old Web; I thought it would be good to go back to the website's roots once in a while.
Much literature has been devoted elsewhere to bemoaning typical douchebag driver behaviour such as refusing to use turn signals, cutting people off, tailgating, texting while driving, and so forth. As such, I thought I would take some time to talk about some other equally vexing things I see on the road that do not get nearly enough negative attention devoted to them.
- People who wear face masks in their car - I don't know why this is such a common thing where I live, but every time I'm on the road, I invariably encounter some halfwits that are wearing face masks despite being alone in their cars with all of the windows up. Are people afraid that the coronavirus is going to attempt to carjack them at an intersection?
I'm all for wearing face masks, because I'm an autistic that enjoys not worrying about facial expressions during conversation (and wants to avoid getting other people sick, I suppose), but there is ostensibly no point in wearing one while isolated inside a car. I should also note that the people who do this also tend to drive like utter morons. There's something to be said about not restricting oxygen flow to one's brain while operating heavy machinery.
- People who activate their turn signals 24 hours prior to changing lanes - In spite of everything, I do try to make a point of being a (relatively) considerate driver. If I see a person in another lane signal their desire to change into my lane, I'll usually accommodate them. In doing so, I often encounter a certain breed of driver who activates their turn signal but never makes good on their promise to change lanes, no matter how much free space has been cleared up for them and how long.
I can only surmise that these goofballs aren't using their turn signal as a signal to other drivers, so much as a way to pray to God to move them to their destination. "Dear Lord in Heaven, please deliver me from the fast lane before someone runs me off the road in irritation."
- People who activate their turn signals while changing lanes - This is the drooling, crayon-eating sibling of the previously mentioned idiot. The inconsiderate imbecile who lumbers in and out of lanes, activating their turn signal while in the process of doing so, as if people need further visual confirmation that some hollow-headed halfwit's vehicle has now intruded into their lane. The vehicular equivalent of shoving a person out of your way while saying "excuse me."
It never ceases to amaze me how a concept as simple as "signal your intention to move to a new location prior to doing so, in order to avoid disturbing other commuters" goes over so many people's heads. In a just world, anyone who demonstrates this sort of behaviour would be banned from operating a car or motorcycle and forced to ride a bicycle. At least then their hopeless selfishness/stupidity would only make them a danger to themselves (and pedestrians, sadly.)
- People who slow down when driving past a car crash - A large part of the reason that car crashes cause such terrible traffic jams, is because every single yahoo on the road feels the need to slow down and examine the wreckage as if a pair of damaged vehicles is the most enthralling spectacle they've encountered in the past month. Here's a helpful tip: video sharing sites already have endless compilations of car crash footage, much of it far more extreme than the fender bender that idiots are gawking at instead of paying attention to the road in front of them to ensure they don't become the next highway sideshow themselves.
- People who drive at or below the speed limit on the highway - I know I'm bound to upset at least a few people by complaining about people following the law. As far as I'm concerned, speeding is a dysphemism for "driving efficiently", the latter word being why governments oppose it. I drive as quickly as the situation allows for no more complicated of a reason than because I have a plethora of things that I want and need to do. It's the same reason that I always walk quickly. It's equally befuddling and annoying to me when I encounter an able-bodied person that's twitching around at the velocity of a grazing cow.
While ticketing people for speeding on the highway is primarily a bald-faced attempt to generate more revenue for police departments, it is also, in the United States at least, an unfortunate reaction to the hazardous environment generated by our country's complete inability both to educate drivers and to properly punish their actual bad behaviours. The last recourse of a nation that can't stop its roads from being full of petulant children, is to make sure they're not going too fast when they inevitably collide with each other.
I admire Germany's model of having no speed limits in the majority of their Autobahn, while actually forcing people to become proficient drivers before getting behind the wheels and severely punishing problem (aggressive and inconsiderate) drivers. The U.S. is of course aggressively following the exact opposite of every aspect of that common sense model. Sad! Many such cases!
- People who suddenly accelerate when another driver signals their intent to change lanes - Driving obnoxiously out of a need to get to a destination faster is something that I understand. This behaviour, on the other hand, is just the tell-tale sign of an adult toddler who can't even handle something as trivial as another driver being in front of them without throwing a hissy fit.
On my part, I make a point of rapidly changing lanes anyway when someone does this, just to teach them a life lesson. This sort of infantile behaviour is likely at least part of the reason there's so many arseholes who refuse to use their turn signals before changing lanes, and I refuse to reward it.
- People who haphazardly change multiple lanes right before an exit - Here's a novel idea - instead of forcing everyone else to frantically accommodate your complete lack of forward planning, why not get off at the next exit and use the extra driving time to ruminate on the concept of thinking more than 30 seconds into the future?
- People who walk on the road instead of the sidewalk - I know these people aren't drivers, but they are liable to become excellent hood ornaments for an intoxicated one.
That's it for now, although I'm sure I'll run into a dozen more transgressions sooner or later. Stupid people are a lot of things, but they are also quite innovative.
