Neurotypical Disorder

Note: This page is satire based on the American Psychiatrist Association's diagnostic criteria for autism, as well as how autism is generally treated in the mainstream. The content herein imagines how the default of neurotypicalism might be viewed if autistic people instead made up the vast majority of the population. Nothing here is expressly intended to offend anyone. The biting tone of this page is a reflection of how the oppressive powers-that-be label autistic people both "disabled" and "disordered", and even label our very existences "tragic", all in response to natural differences, behaviours, and traits no less innocuous than the ones described on this page.

For the record, I am merely the latest of many to make a satire page in this vein. Lamentably, I have no idea at this point who the original creator of such things was and thus cannot credit them for inventing the joke.

Neurotypical Disorder is a pervasive, life-long developmental disability that causes considerable challenges and distress. People with neurotypicalism - usually referred to as neurotypicals - often possess many peculiar behaviours that set them apart from normal (autistic) people and cause them difficulty in social interactions. While neurotypicalism is a disability and neurotypicals tend away from having high IQs, some neurotypicals can be quite gifted and capable of living a normal life.

There has been a surge in online content from movements led by neurotypicals and a minority of normal people who sympathise with them, professing that neurotypicals are not disabled and that neurotypicalism is a healthy, natural difference. We advise you to ignore such nonsense if you have the misfortune of encountering it. Non-autistics are not intellectually capable of truly speaking for themselves, and you should always remember to only consult normal, autistic people about matters that pertain to neurotypicals. Do not question why that sounded like it came directly from the mouth of a cult leader. This is SCIENCE speaking!

These movements, alternatively labeling themselves as "neurotypical rights"; "neurotypical pride"; and "neurotypical acceptance", often use a symbol resembling a grey zero. This appears to be an attempt to celebrate the tragically standardised brains that characterise neurotypicalism, in direct contrast to the rainbow infinity symbol that is used to symbolise the normal autistic majority.

Satirical Neurotypical Pride Symbol - Pictured to the left, the "neurotypical pride" symbol, apparently celebrating their uniform brains.
Autistic Pride Symbol - Pictured to the left, the famous symbol of the normal Autistic majority, celebrating our natural mental diversity.

In the psychiatric community, we use the magnifying glass symbol to represent the enigmatic nature of neurotypical disorder and the arduous task of searching for clues to better understand it. Despite decades of research that involved exhausting every avenue from asking autistics with neurotypical children; to asking autistics with neurotypical siblings; to asking autistic children with neurotypical classmates, there is paradoxically still very much that we do not get about neurotypicalism.

Diagnostic Criteria for Neurotypical Disorder

Persistent deficits in social interaction manifesting in the following:
- Debilitating obsession with social interaction and social events purely for their own sake, and at the expense of special interests and other intellectual pursuits. Often coupled with anxiety over spending time alone or without socialisation. This is also symptomatic of Extroversion Disorder (ED), which can occasionally occur in otherwise normal people.
- Pathological desire to predatorily stare people in the eyes, accompanied by insistence that this antisocial behaviour be reciprocated.
- Difficulty taking statements literally, often rejecting what is said in favour of perceived hidden meanings (so-called "social cues") derived from things such as the positions of a conversational partner's limbs, eye movements, or tone of voice. May require all communication to be written as opposed to in-person, in order to avoid the risk of sparking any such delusions.
- Inflexible adherence to ritualised conversational patterns. This often manifests in communicating with others via repetitive and meaningless phrases (e.g., making comments about what day of the week it is, scripted "how are you? good!" exchanges). Psychiatrists label this condition Small Talk Disorder (STD) when it is detected in otherwise normal people.
- Resistance to meaningful conversation that consists of exchanging information, in favour of "safe", superficial topics such as the weather or banal events in lives of associates and friends.
- Stifling compulsion to conform to arbitrary social constructs or rules (e.g., associating specific colours with genders, limiting or requiring specific types of outfits for specific occasions) even at the expense of simple and harmless self-expression. Often accompanied with desire to ostracise anyone who does not also conform to said rules.
- Herd mentality manifesting in impulsive conforming to arbitrary norms of social group at all costs, even willingly denying reality in favour of not straying from group consensus. In severe cases, can exhibit many signs of Antisocial Personality Disorder towards individuals viewed as outsiders by group.
- Obsession with categorising people into so-called social hierarchies and expending time and money on fighting for preferential place in these imaginary systems (e.g., buying expensive clothing, mimicking individuals perceived to be of higher rank).
Restricted patterns of behaviour manifesting in the following:
- Hyposensitivity to sensory input, manifesting in various ways including but not limited to being obnoxiously loud in social interactions, seeking out toxically loud environments, modifying their own environment to be louder without any regard for the effects on others (e.g., altering car engine to be noisier), and so forth.
- Compulsion to follow specific rituals (e.g., giving presents and eating cake every time the Earth is in the same spot in its orbit that it was when someone they know was born, loudly gathering to get intoxicated every time the Earth completes a rotation around the Sun, completing scripted "how are you? good!" exchanges upon encountering someone for the first time in a 24 hour period).
- Fixation with attaching self to peculiar group identities. May derive sense of identity and pride from local sports team, school, or area of residence, and hold boisterous simian-esque rituals to celebrate the identity (e.g., pep rallies, sports parties, parades).
- Insistence on novelty, such as a need to consume foods cultivated by foreign cultures or radically disrupting routine by visiting faraway lands, purely for the sake of change.
- Tendency to have superficial or surface level interest in hobbies and pursuits. Complete lack of special interests.

If you arrived on this page because you are seeking information about your recently diagnosed neurotypical child or sibling, do not fret! While these symptoms may indeed sound horrifying, all is not lost. There is a ~~genocidal~~ benevolent charity known as Neurotypicalism Speaks that is, of course, run entirely by us normal autistic people and that hopes to one day ~~exterminate~~ cure neurotypicalism forever.